Having my parents all my life telling me that I don’t look pretty without a smile on my face is something that keeps me smiling and smile back at them once more. No matter how little I may smile, I wish to keep it constant on my face because that’s something makes my family happy.
I wish to feel the way as it is. No matter how hard rocks are on my way, how steep roads may be in my life throughout, I wish to make it smooth. So smooth that not even a single piece of stone could be left out.I know, for the past years, life hadn’t been the way I wanted for which I even today unwillingly torment myself.
Spending most of my time imagining and dreaming have been for many years all way in my life. It often insists me to remember about past when we were child of how life would have been if were just to live life like we played blind obstacle game where we had our eyes closed with scarf and we were to tap on the shoulders of rest of the players without having seen them. It might sound interesting, isn’t’ it? Yes, it does but for others. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work out well in case of mine.
Life have been muchmessier whereI have had to play blind obstacle game throughout the life where you are not fortunate enough to see the world around you, to cherish the life you’ve been gifted with, to what it feels like being with family and friends around, hanging out on every weekends, birthday parties, partying and coming late at night.I don’t know what it feels like getting surprises from partner or going to a date for the first time.
I have never sensed how it feels like when you are able to do things so easily without taking anybody’s assistance. I don’t know how it feels like when one is able to do learn or write. I don’t know what the word beauty or beautiful suggests or actually stands for. I don’t know what it feels like being loved. I don’t know what it feels like fighting with siblings over petty matters, or arguing with parents to gets things I desire for. I don’t know what it feels like getting excited for travel; being adventurous. I don’t know what it feels like getting tap on your shoulders by your teachers when you are rewarded, I don’t how it would felt to view the heavenly universe with its stars at night, the bright sky or springtime flower, or dancing in the rain, I don’t know what it feels like to sense the ability of yours that defines who you are, or to even spare few minutes of your time to have a look at yourself. I simply don’t know.
My life is something like when once you are thrown into water, you panic and get lost. You are gagged by water hence; nobody will be able to see you. You’re down way to deep. You are struggling with lungs which eventually start burning; you’re desperate for that sweet taste of oxygen, you feel you can breathe, your vision starts to spot that there is somebody to help you out but alas, you neither see the starting point nor an ending point. It’s just like you’ve gone into something or live with something that can never pull you off irrespective of how desperately you wish for. You can never come out of that zone, the zone where your life is, the zone where you can’t feel the inner space of your individuality.
Just like a month old baby who sees and enjoys with inner space of their world here I am just the opposite who is confined in my own space; my own imagination where I see the different being of me created there. Where I have everything I desire, everything I wish from learning to writing, from watching the night starts up in the sky, from dancing like crazy in the rain, from having my own group of friends to hangout, and from being surrounded with the most important people I love, my family.
You think that your family is forever with you, or your friends to keep in touch with you, or your relatives to support you in need but the actual fact is that once you get something wrong in your body, you start to develop the sense of inferiority complex that constantly reminds of you that you are less of a person, not worthy at all. In doing so, however struggle you do to keep yourself up with head high with the circumstance that has created on you, you never can defeat because the world we live in today believes in proof for which you need to have the confidence to show up your abilities.
Finding ways to cope with life is the only ultimate reason people say to me and so does it make me think over it twice even if I don’t want to. Things like these can never get over unless we face with reality. When you get hit deep down inside your heart like a sword, you tend to forget your individuality and accept the way you are. Despite of how hard I try, to change the opinions of people, it remains the way it is. Enjoy the state of being you and only you that channels up you with the opportunities to outgrow.
Deformity in your body can change you and it is never denial. But the change is that when you change your deformity into your strength. Perhaps the acceptanceentrenched itself deeply in my psyche, but the very fact that I know is that I am not able to see the beautiful world with my eyes, but I can sense the beauty which lies in my ability to give me the strength.Being blind is not an end to a world at least not for the ultimate definition to me. Until you are much of a positive person headed towards to unfold your life with positivity, you never outgrow to be determined soul to make difference.
To make the difference with your abilities, you need to keep your spirits held high and keep the smile on your face. And that’s exactly what I do. Although your life is to be spent like a blind obstacle game, never give up. No matter how big or small smile you bring in your face, never let it go. With every passing day, I wish to do so after all, seeing smile on my face keeps my family happy.
Author: Susmita Aryal