Believe In God

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Abstract: It’s a short story of mine about what I observed about humanity and believe in God from the worst days of my life.

It’s about some of the situations from the duration of five years. In my family the quarrels were increasing with the passing of time my elder brother use to abuse me from childhood he has the gender ego. One fine day he beaten my dad and I can’t control myself from anger I tried to save my dad but I too got hurt badly and finally for the first time I went to register the complain in police station and they talked with me very rudely and I got a mental attack I started shivering and fell down on the floor. But they didn’t help me they thought I am just acting like that as a saw my elder sister coming.  I stood up with joy and hugged her tightly and the journey of my worst day started from there.

As my TYBCom. exams were there that year so I was not there on job but after that day next morning I went in search of job. As I had got a slight back injury I was not able to walk properly so first I went to municipal hospital for taking the medicines but looking at my condition they deny and then I took medicines from the medical store and proceed to one school for the interview of primary teacher. I waited there for an hour for the principal and the interview went quite good the principal shared his personal number for the further assistance. On the next day I started behaving a little abnormal way as there was new year to come and it was the first time when I was giving my dad clothes on New year but unfortunately that moment didn’t came I took the money and went for the clothes but on the next morning I was found by my elder sister’s husband in a more bad mental state.

On the same day, I started giving very bad words for the first time and my mind and body both were out of control. I created fully mess in the house. Many people tried to control me but were not able to do it. One of my neighbors slapped me but no action was taken from my family.  My elder brother made the video of mine in that condition and was showing it in the public.
I was not taken to the hospital but I was taken to the sacred place on the night of that day. There, my full body was tied in clutches and my hairs are very long and they tied my hair too in the clutches. I was kept in the middle of big rats sometimes over there.
How long can an innocent human being stay in that condition I was there for 39 days. In that duration the news about my incident was going viral in the area where I stay. Someone from my younger sister’s work place told her about the women’s NGO and she took the help of that NGO and came where I was kept. They asked me, will you come with us I was not stable but my answer was yes I really don’t know what I thought at that time for saying yes. The instructors denied to open the clutches or to take me out from there so the NGO took me with the clutches to the hospital. My condition was very severe; they cut my clutches, gave me a bath and changed my clothes because I was very dirty at that time not properly given bathed or dressed for that whole period.

In the hospital also the medical practitioner students were making my video. I was not understanding that how to do the latrine too and I sat down where I got the place and my younger sister ran away from there, the hospital worker came and she cleaned me.
I was 26 days in the hospital and my mother was there with me, but she never gave me bath or any affection the hospital workers use to do that. I beaten my mom and dad too during that period and all my heart burst at that time. Before one week of discharge I was little stable condition both physically and mentally. And I remembered that my exams are about to come. I cried that I want discharge I have to go for exams.

I got discharge but I was unable to give exams because my concentration power became very weak. No one took action against my brother in the family. Neighbors and my mom and dad were prai sing him for taking me to that sacred place.

After 65 days, I returned to home form that place and then hospital. Elder brother’s behavior was the same. He was feeling more superior as the battle was fully in his favour. I took my medicines on my own and had to do the household chores too not fully but I have to do. On every Saturday, I was visiting the hospital for taking ect someone has to come along with me as an guardian its mandatory for ect. I use to pay the full travelling and other expenses too of mine and the person who comes with me. The side effects of the medicines started my concentration started becoming more weak, body was shivering, face was looking like dump, menstruation was also disturbed. But no ones proper response.

Sad! Sad! Sad! moments some of my prideful moments of that time. My dad got some eye problem and no one was ready to go for operation along with him. So, I decided that I will go and I did all his care without any mistake. You can imagine that how was my condition, as the hospital was of only five floors. When I went down to take the medicines  there were two to three ways to reach where my dad was kept I was very much confused how to go there it took 15 minutes for me to reach to my dad.  After 3 days we again went for his check up, I took care of him how much I can. My body and mind was not functioning properly and that’s the reason why I was rejected from most of the interviews at that time in the mall I was selected for sales as my English was quiet good but I did not worked there because I was not able to find the ways. I worked for three years in a very small school as a primary teacher my mind condition was so bad that I can’t remember the timetable and prayer too. But I was having 2 years experience before it helped me. No one recognized from my behaviour that I am having schizophrenia or mental illness. I worked there will full of my efforts. In that period my dad got paralyzed and in 1 to 2 years period he got three times paralyzed. First time he recovered well, second time his mind was fully unstable and body partly. For about a month he was talking very abusively at home. My elder brother did not allow us to treat dad well and at last he got third time paralyzed and started doing pee and latrine too in the clothes. I tried to take him to the municipal hospital and told that I will do all the expenses but my brother was still behaving as an evil and dad’s condition became worst day by day. I took him care more than all the other family members. I thank to God that my dad was not for more days in that condition he died soon. Brother told that we will not take his body home I don’t have money for the funeral. I did it from my saving and felt a little proud to be my father’s daughter. The thing which hurt me the most is that if we or I have done a little more effort he would have gone in good condition.

I was mostly using the phone for the information about schizophrenia or how I would get the help to recover from it. Because I only came to know that I am having schizophrenia from constantly going through my hospital papers, my family members never tried to know that what really happened to me and what was the cause. I talked to many doctors, counselors and organizations but no one was helping without money or in low fees.
So, I decided to quit the medicines on my own it took two years for me for doing it yes but I have recovered today well and now will continue my studies and career. The good thing about me is that maybe I am a good human that’s the reason I don’t remember a single word or feeling about that two months.

The thing is that what is the difference between humanity and believe in God. God had made all the humans to be kind towards the nature. We believe in God but not in humanity when the word humanity come we only thinks about our self. We are the part of the nature and we should respect all its elements.

For me however the situation how worst will be, I will not leave my kindness.
At last “HUMANITY OR BELIEVE IN GOD” what comes first or both should be together.

Author: Madhuri Daskonwar, Mumbai


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