When we talk about friendship we often think about having a time with our friends and making sure everyone is comfortable.. What if I told you that a little bit of friction in our friendships is actually a good thing. Friendship needs friction because it helps us to be real with each other. When we are too focused on being safe and not hurting anyone’s feelings we can end up being fake.. That is not what friendship is about. The death of the joke is a sign that our friendships are becoming too sensitive. We are so worried about hurting someone’s feelings that we are not being honest with each other.. That is a problem.
Friendship needs friction because it helps us to grow and learn from each other. When we are able to joke and have real conversations we are able to build stronger and more meaningful relationships. So let us not be afraid of a bit of friction, in our friendships. Let us embrace it and see where it takes us.
The death of the joke is not the end of friendship but rather a new beginning. It is a chance for us to rethink what it means to be a friend and to build relationships that are real and meaningful. Friendship needs friction. We need to start embracing it.
I was looking at this blog about language in the workplace the other day. It made me think that we are taking the life out of the way people talk to each other. We have gotten to the point where people only tell jokes that’re safe. These safe jokes do not make people laugh in a way. They do not make anyone feel uncomfortable. Inclusive language in the workplace is supposed to be a thing.. When it comes to jokes I think it is a problem. The problem with these jokes is that they are not funny. Inclusive language in the workplace is making jokes boring. More than that these jokes are not true, to how people feel. If you cannot make fun of your friends bad decisions or the things that make them really nervous do you really know your best friend? You should be able to tease your friend about the things they do that are not so good. This is what friends are for. Your best friend should know that you are just joking around. Making fun of your friends weird fears is all part of being friends, with them. Your best friend will know that you are coming from a place. So if you cannot make fun of your friend then do you really know your best friend at all?
The “Polite” Distance
Think about the people you’re polite with. It is usually your boss, your landlord or that one distant cousin you see every three years at a wedding. Politeness is like a shield that people use. The people you are polite with like your boss or your landlord are the ones you do not know well. You are polite with them because you do not want to offend them.. With real friends like the friends you have when you are going through tough times politeness is not what you need. Real friendship, the kind that survives a Delhi summer or a bank account hitting zero needs people to be honest with each other. This kind of friendship requires friction like the friction that comes from people being real, with each other. Real friendship, the kind that’s strong requires people to be able to disagree and still care about each other like the people who are your real friends when you are going through tough times. Boots are like that. If they do not feel a little tight at first they are probably not good enough to keep your feet safe. When we make fun of each other at the table whether it is about how tall someone’s if they are being fake or if they are really bad at romance we are not just being cruel. We are testing each other. Boots need to be tested to see if they are good. We are doing the thing with our friends. We are saying I see the things about you that’re not perfect and I am still here with you talking to you and that is what matters. We are saying, I like you even when you are not perfect and that is what friends are for.
The Museum of Offense
We have turned the world into a museum where everything’s behind glass. Do not touch. Do not comment. Do not laugh. We have started to confuse humor with harm. There is a difference between a bully punching down and a friend reaching across the table to remind you that you are being an idiot. The world is like a museum now and we are not allowed to do anything. We have to be very careful about what we say and what we do because humor is being confused with harm. A bully is very different from a friend who is just joking with the world and a friend who is joking with the world is very different from a bully who is punching down on the world. The friend is reaching across the table to remind you that you are being an idiot, in the world.
The modern outrage machine thinks every joke is an offense. Imagine a guy from Haryana and a guy from the Northeast eating momos together and teasing each other. The internet would likely freak out. They would think it is a deal because of their different backgrounds.. To the guys having momos, the modern outrage machine and its views do not matter. For them this joking is what brings people from Haryana and people from the Northeast together. The momos and the jokes are what connect the guys from Haryana and the guys, from the Northeast. When you make fun of the elephant in the room like the stereotypes and the backgrounds and the baggage that people carry you take away the power that these things have. The elephant in the room is not so big anymore. You make the stereotypes and the backgrounds and the baggage seem like a joke. The elephant, in the room is something that people do not want to talk about. When you joke about it the stereotypes and the backgrounds and the baggage do not seem so important.
The Luxury of Being Offended
It is funny how the people who get the most upset about “problematic” jokes usually have the most comfortable lives. If you have time to write a ten paragraph thread on Twitter about why a joke is harmful, you probably aren’t worrying about where your next meal is coming from. Look at someone like Satish. The guy is literally living a “survival of the fittest” movie every single day. He had to drop out because the system basically told him his bank account wasn’t deep enough for a degree. When he sits down with us, he doesn’t want “inclusive language.” He wants a moment where he isn’t just a dropout fixing motherboards in a basement.
Friendship is the only place left where you can’t fake it. We are like a giant mirror for each other. When someone starts acting like he’s lived through some historical oppression just for the “vibe,” the rest of us are there to remind him that he grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth. That friction isn’t “toxic.” It is actually the only thing keeping him from becoming a total fraud. We need people who are willing to be “mean” enough to tell us the truth about ourselves. If you only surround yourself with people who “validate” everything you say, you aren’t in a friendship. You are in a cult of one.
The Beautifully Broken Result
So, what happens when the jokes stop? When everyone finally becomes perfectly “safe” and “respectful”? I’ll tell you what happens. We stop talking. We sit in these perfectly quiet rooms, looking at our perfectly clean screens, and we feel absolutely nothing for the person sitting three feet away from us. I would rather be insulted by my best friend every single day than spend one hour in a room full of people who are too “enlightened” to laugh at a short joke.
The Survival of the Gritty
If we keep going down this road where everything’s super clean and perfect we will be really alone. A world where everyone gets treated nicely but nobody really cares about each other. Love is a mess. It is about knowing what makes the people you love upset and happy and then doing things to make life more fun. Love is, about knowing how to make the people you love feel things. That is what makes life worth living. We need to remember that love is messy and that is what makes it so great.
We need the friction. We need the guy who tells us our engineering degree is just a glorified way to fix laptops. We need the friend who reminds us we’re 5’5 when we’re acting too big for our boots. Without that, we’re just a bunch of strangers pretending to be friends in a very quiet, very safe, and very empty room.
By: Pratham Singh Negi
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