DARKNESS OF MY YEAR-END-HOLIDAYS

By: MANISHA B S

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In a loop of moving forward to the new year every time, we tend to forget the importance of the process that leads to the loophole. we are not just one or two people who forget it, but an entire set of people surrounded by boundaries. well, Christmas is a huge carol that begins in early November, but unfortunately not for me! As a college student, “me”.

The light after nightfall is always significantly more significant, Just Like a fresh start after a relaxing holiday. What if this vacation is actually stressful instead of relaxing? What if the whole day was chaotic and not just part of it? Can you really relax on vacation? Was it just me with work, exams and not getting ready? I had a fleeting idea while contemplating the end-of-year holiday, something I had never done in my mundane existence. Or maybe all young people feel the same way! As I got older, the existence of those end-of-year vacations I used to look forward to because I could “just sleep and play before I could start something new” evaporated. 

Annual holidays As the name suggests, the holidays are actually close to the end of the year, but oddly enough, for someone like me who’s too worried, it doesn’t feel like it. I’m trying to remember when my fear began. All I could conclude was that studying now will allow us to enjoy life later.

When I was a teenager between the ages of 16 and 18, all I could think about was passing competitive exams and enrolling in a prestigious university. But it didn’t end there; It continued with the young adult phase, which was similar to the adolescent phase in that it suggested that if we worked hard- when I was done with college, maybe I would take a break. Once college was over, people like us said, “Let’s work hard now and rest later.” in a somber way. But has anyone considered living each day as if it were their last instead of doing these things? So not only the holiday but every day of the year can be enjoyed to the fullest.

I experienced this dark phase once out of a lack of effort, not because I lived my life, but because I didn’t live my life happily. Not just me, many would go through similar phases of anxiety, depression, and feelings of abandonment outside and without knowing exactly why the vacation was given. It doesn’t just end there. When we finally decide to enjoy it  as much as the happy people around me, a disturbance interrupts my joy: an anonymous colleague asks, “Can you help me finish this work?” “You don’t have any plans for Christmas anyway, just like last year!” That simple comment, which these colleagues would later not even remember, would become the great bridge that crumbles before the imbeciles step on it. And it will just be silent. None of us are to blame, but we still feel unfairly treated. Therefore, decisions must be made before it is too late. Simply living your life is not the solution, live your life happily with even the smallest thing you can do.

Whether you’re a teenager, young adult, or adult, it’s never too late to start something new. Give yourself a chance, a chance to be happy, and a chance to light up that wet in the dark. An open ending is an ideal way to close any story, just like our lives have an open ending. You can create a path for yourself that can lead to a successful conclusion or a fresh start. Every aspect is under our control. Don’t give up when you encounter an obstacle; Keep going until you get there. Although it’s late, a new chapter begins. So hold on until life leaves you and wait for the new age.

With the departure of my 22 to 23, the enchanted version of yourself riddled with insecurity departs. Let it go; even if you don’t need to hold on to those thoughts, you nevertheless require it. I went from being 19 to being 20 to being 21 to being 22 to now being 23 in the blink of an eye. Although it’s only a blink, it feels like I’m going in circles and could run into myself again. 

Finding my fearless soul of the new eve:

THEY SAY DON’T ACT WEAK, 

THEY SAY DON’T ACT STRONG,

LITTLE DID THEY KNOW I WAS WEAK,

LITTLE DID THEY KNOW I WAS STRONG.

LITTLE DID THEY KNOW I WAS JUST ME.

I don’t need to prove myself for validation, a gift that I can enjoy but not struggle to prove, that only destroys me further. So just being able to enjoy myself fearlessly is what I look forward to.

IMAGINE THE WORLD,

 WHERE WE ARE A PART,

STARTED TO FALL APART!

BITTERSWEETNESS OF MEMORIES,

ARE NOW BLACKHOLE OF MEMORIES.

ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT’S THE MEANINGFUL THING FOR YOU.

By: MANISHA B S

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