People are shaped by the moments they experience. Now I am going to talk about why I am “Stella”. I realized that my personality and habits were formed by the places I lived, the people I met, and the choices I made. At times, my personality feels strange even to me, and other times I wonder how I changed this much. So I decided to look back and reflect on what exactly makes me “me”.

These are the ten reasons that make me Stella.

I adapt to new environments quickly.

For 14 years I lived in Korea as a typical Korean student. Then I transferred to Canada for a year and a half, and now I have lived in the United States for almost a year. Each country made huge changes, but I didn’t let fear stop me. I went abroad in eighth grade, an age when most people think living alone without parents is too early, but my curiosity was stronger than my fear. Honestly, the beginning in Canada was really hard for me. Everything felt strange. My homestay family, the school, and the language. But I was only ‘lost’ for about a month. Even when I’m scared, I don’t freeze. I always end up moving forward. When I moved to the United States, my first day of school was in January, my birthday month! Instead of spending the day with people I had known for years, I celebrated it with friends I had known for only two weeks. But somehow, I still made it work. My quick adaptation helped me make connections easily, and this became one of my biggest strengths throughout my international student life.

I survive dorm life with my own routines.

Keeping my own rhythm is how I stay balanced. This is what I call my “Stella Routine”. My days fall into three parts: morning, afternoon, and night. In the morning I always shower, not just to wake up; my hair matters to me, and styling is ten times easier after a shower. After school my rule is pretty simple. First, finish homework and study; then eat, relax, and study more if necessary. One thing I’m strict about is my desk. It must be clean. When my space is tidy, my mind feels organized. The dorm can get chaotic and loud, but my routines work like checkpoints that bring me back to normal. They don’t look like a big deal, but without them my whole day collapses.

I study in Waves.

I am not someone who sits for hours and studies steadily. If I sit too long, my focus disappears and my back hurts. But once I get into the zone, my concentration becomes intense. My pattern is always the same. Good focus and relaxation, FOCUS and relaxation. Right before exams, I get these “study waves” where I suddenly become super focused. I turn on the “do not disturb” on my phone. I flip pages, solve problems, and completely lose track of time. My strongest concentration doesn’t come from consistency, it comes from mood and momentum. In the dorm, this becomes even more obvious. If the hallway is quiet, I suddenly turn into full study mode. If I hear my friends giggling in the hallway. I give up and go into break mode instantly. Sometimes, when I truly cannot focus, I crawl under my desk. It sounds funny, but it’s like a tiny study cave. It is really cozy and comfortable. People say consistency is important, but I think my wave style studying fits me better. When the waves come, I go all in. When I am tired, I rest. That’s how I survive long study periods without burning out.

I have an energy that makes people comfortable.

My mom once told me a story from when I was four, how I had spilled my drink and without any second thoughts, walked up to a store worker and asked for napkins. She said that was the instant she knew I wasn’t going to be an ordinary kid. Perhaps that tiny moment of confidence was where my life abroad started. People say that they can recognize me from far away because of my bright and open energy. I can talk to anyone easily, and I rarely feel awkward around new people. If you ever see me quiet, it is not because I am shy but just deeply thinking about something. This personality trait helped me more than anything when I lived abroad. If someone has only been in school for two weeks but already celebrates her birthday with new friends, that speaks volumes about how quickly she connects. Some people say, “Don’t act fake,” but for real, every new relationship takes at least a little bit of work. The difference is, I don’t force it. I just come as I am, and people feel at ease.

I find motivation in small things.

Some people get motivated only by big goals, but I don’t. I get motivated by the smallest, cutest, simplest things. For example, a new notebook, I suddenly want to study. A nice color combination for my notes. I want to rewrite everything. A song I like immediately becomes focus mode. In the dorm, these small motivations get me through. Life there can be repetitive and draining, so tiny sources of joy keep me moving. A new highlighter or a highly aesthetic study desk photo on Instagram is sometimes enough to bring me back to my work. These little sparks are why I am able to study for a long time without breaking down.

I reset quickly after mistakes.

I don’t hold onto mistakes for long. Yes, I get stressed at the moment, but the feeling fades quickly. My reaction to failure is usually, “Okay SO WHAT?” Learning in English led to so many confusing days. I couldn’t understand anything that the teachers were saying. Exams shocked me with questions I never expected. But I refused to let those moments follow me around. I just reset and moved on. Living in the dorm taught me not to hold grudges. If I have a misunderstanding with someone, I try not to let it last more than a day. Holding onto bad feelings only makes me tired. I did break down once, and it changed me. That moment taught me exactly how weak I could become, but also how strong I could grow back. My parents saw that growth too, and now they trust me. I know that even if I fall again, I can rebuild myself. Mistakes are just temporary waves. I always come back.

Cute and pretty things heal me.

Even though I am now stronger than I used to be, I still need a little bit of comfort at times. I find that the things that make me feel most comfortable are the things that are small and adorable. Clean-looking rooms, all of these things bring a sense of peace and calmness to my mind. I live in a different country, so there are times when I need support when I’m feeling stressed, but I don’t always have family or friends to talk to. Therefore, these little items have become my sources of support. I also have a lot of tiny things around my dorm room, such as a little lamp, a cute figurine, and a mini poster, because I like to create a space for my mind to breathe. Some people might think it’s silly to surround themselves with little pieces of softness and cuteness, but they play a major role in allowing me to not break under stress.

I am a straight-forward, act-first type of person.

I absolutely hate remaining in one place or overinterpreting my decisions. Therefore, when an opportunity arises, I take advantage of it. When something feels “right”, I pursue it. I credit this to my strong intuition about people and places. After having just a couple of conversations with someone or getting to know them a little, my intuition will tell me whether I feel comfortable with that person or not. My intuition has almost never failed me. This direct, fast-acting side of my personality plays a large role in how much I have grown while living overseas. Instead of waiting for life to happen around me, I jump into it.

Being an only child taught me how to enjoy being alone.

I am an only child, so I spent a lot of time alone. I didn’t really think much of it before, but now I see how valuable that time was. It gave me the ability to enjoy solitude instead of fearing it. In my current life, there are days when everyone is busy or gone. But I never feel uncomfortable being alone. I listen to music, clean my space, organize my gallery, or suddenly feel like studying vocabulary. To me, alone time is when I return to myself. It’s how I reset my thoughts and breathe a little. This independence is one of the reasons I’ve been able to survive life overseas.

No matter what happens, I always find my way back to myself.

Looking back, my life has been changed by countries, languages, routines, and friends. With every move came opportunities for new experiences and relearning how to stand on my own feet. But one thing stayed the same–I always eventually returned to my own rhythm. Whether I know how to pause, restart, study intensely, or take quiet time alone, I always find the way that works for me the best. I’ve learned that survival isn’t about perfection, it’s about knowing how to rebuild yourself. This ability to come back to myself, even when everything around me shifts, is the reason I am Stella. There will certainly be more shake ups and transitions in our lives ahead of us; like all these times before, I will find rhythm as always in my life. It is not all perfect; what matters most in life right is remaining true to these ten ways of living, because they are working to build my future self.

By: Stella Kim

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