THE LAST GOODBYE
*Knock knock* “Alaia you want to wake up now or sleep for some time more?” came a calm voice from the other side of the door of my bedroom.
“Just 10 minutes more, papa.” I said in my morning voice while yawning. I glanced at the clock, and it was 7.10 already. I am astonished and perplexed; that would be an understatement. If it were some other day, he would have given me taunts for delaying, and today he himself gave me some time to sleep more. I am not going to let this opportunity slip out of my hands.
“Alaia wake up!!” I nuzzled my face in my pillow showing disinterest but when I checked the time my heart almost came to a halt. 7.50! I woke up frantically and opened the door and blurted out, “I am sorry papa I don’t know how I got this late I’ll try to be on time from next time. I’ll be solving sample pap-”
“Alaia! Calm down, why are you being so tensed. You are still half asleep, and you are already talking about your day. Get freshen up.” His antics baffled me. Wow, so no taunts today?
I got freshened up and almost jumped on my place when I saw Papa sitting on my bed. Did I do something? My anticipation caught up in my throat, but before I could think of something else, I saw moisture in his eyes. Okay, now I was getting scared. He asked me to sit on the bed. I did as he said.
“I have bad news. ‘’
Moisture in your eyes told me all, but what could it be. My heart started thumping louder thinking of all the endless possibilities.
He broke my trance, “It’s about your friend next door, Aayushi.” “
“What happened to her?” He looked timid to even meet my gaze. It can’t be that horrendous, right? But my whole body came to halt with what he said next, “She committed suicide.” He’s messing up with me, right? “Aayushi? No no no. She can’t do something like this you are messing up with me. ‘’
My mind was revolving around all the memories that I have made with her, and my mind just couldn’t register this brand-new information. I asked him multiple times if he was joking. ” Why would I joke on such a sensitive topic?” What happened right now? No, it’s not true. Suddenly I felt a stab in my heart. I clasped my hands together. I was caught up in a trance. I was frantically shaking my legs. I felt I was drowning. I was trying to escape, but water was filling my lungs. I was unable to utter a word; it was suffocating.
I woke up with an electric jolt. Another dream. It was 2a.m..
My heart was still throbbing with fierce pain. My mind drifted off to 2 February 2024 when I came to know my friend committed suicide. Why? I don’t know. I wanted to know the reason behind the decision of her to snatch herself from this cruel world. But it’s not going to bring her back, right? Only if. She was the first friend that I made in my life. She was my partner in crime. We used to fight a lot when we were younger, but that’s what makes a bond stronger. She was the one to approach me, but I denied being her friend, and then she pushed me off, and I started crying atrociously.
And I have this vague memory of the moment where we became friends just after the next day of this incident. We were 3 years old back then. It’s hysterical to think about our first meeting. And today I am 15 years old. I spent my entire childhood with her. She was brave, strong-willed, stubborn, preserved, and fearless. Which made it even harder for me to digest the fact that she took her own life. It really has shaken me to the core. More than her death, the fact that she ended her own life haunts me. It’s been 8 months now since that incident, and I have dreamed several times about it. I’ve been sleeping with my lights on since that day.
It’s not that I’m scared, but it just feels like an inner feeling is stopping me from sleeping in the dark. The first time I dreamt about her was one month after the incident. I saw her crossing the road, and I couldn’t believe my eyes; it felt too real to be a dream, but soon after I woke up frantically with sweat beads all over my forehead. Since that day I’ve been dreaming about her regularly, and each time it felt so real, which was making it harder to believe that she’s gone. Sometimes I would gossip with her a lot, and soon after I would wake up and realize it was a dream all along. As we started growing, we started getting a bit distant because both of us got indulged in our own things, but still there was a sense of attachment between us after all, we spent our childhood with each other. People came, people left, but we remained the same, but this time she left.
“Aayushi?” I said not believing my eyes when I saw her standing in front of me smiling at me. “I thought you -” my eyes glistened with tears.
“I’m dead”, she said with a soft smile.
“Then how I’m abl-”
“Because you’ve been thinking about me a lot lately” I nodded trying to bite down my tears. “Don’t cry”
“Why did you do it?” I said, trembling my lips daring to let out a tear.
“Does it matter?” she chuckled dryly.
“Of course it does.” I whispered loudly enough for her to listen.
“Will it bring me back?” I stared at her void face with no answer.
“See, I don’t know if what I did was right or wr–”
“It was wrong.” I said immediately without even letting her complete the sentence.
“Even if it was wrong it’s not going to bring me back. ”
“I am still not able to believe it. Whenever I cross by your home, I just wish you to see you for the last time on terrace.” I said zoning out.
“We are literally talking to each other face to face ri-”
“It’s different.”
“Take it as your last chance to bid me goodbye properly.” She said emphasizing the word ‘properly’.
I looked straight in her eyes. All the childhood memories came flashing down.
She broke my trance “Never ever think of doing what I did.”
“Huh?”
“Even though I have left this world, I don’t plan to meet any of my closed ones soon. I want each person that I know to live a long and healthy life.” She said smiling.
“You don’t miss anyone?”
“Life is precious, even if it feels unbearable sometimes, and I want everyone to make the most of it.”
“Then why did-”
“I hope to meet you when your hair turns silver and your face is all wrinkly and saggy,” she said, cutting me off while emphasizing the last part and laughing. I also laughed along with her. This feeling was familiar, which I was craving. Now when I think of it, her memory doesn’t hurt me anymore; instead, it makes me glad that I spent those precious moments of my life with her. It’s still going to hurt that she got snatched away from life so early.
“I wish that you’ll live till your hair turns silver in another universe,” I said, looking at her, trying to take every detail of her face with me. “And even though you are not physically with me, you’ll always be that precious memory of mine that will stay with me until my grave.” I said continuing. She smiled. My heart smiled. And then I woke up. But this time not frantically but instead with a feeling of contentment all over my body. Aayushi, wherever you are, I wish you to be happy and at peace there. I glanced at the clock. It’s only 4am. I switched off the lights and drifted away to sleep.
By: Parthi Sharma
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