Things does not go as planned at times, but the plan gets fulfilled in a different way; believing this sentence without experiencing it might be difficult. I was aqua phobic which is basically fear of water present in a large amount but rarely people knew it yet they are very quick to comment about it.
They even confused it with hydrophobia that occurs in the last stages of rabies. Who are the ‘they’ – they are my relatives and the neighbours, who hated my mother who was strong enough to leave my abusive and insultive father for my sake and future also now being successfully establishing me as she always wanted.
Disrespecting evolving and revolting woman alongside being blind to men’s fault is still something that is prevalent in Indian society. My mother was a sportswoman and an excellent lady.
Though my mother never professionally played in any such fields but she has plenty of certificates, medals, trophies and more in showcase from different competitions. She wanted me to be good in sports too. I played a lot of sports under her influence.
On my every birthday she surprised me something, on my thirteenth birthday morning, she gifted me some kind of costume, a rubber cap, a towel and a house coat. I was totally confused about it at the beginning, taking some time for me to realize these were swimming accessories. I was completely disagreed to start and pair up with her idea but she insisted that I must ‘Win over my fear’, also being a sporty I should know how to swim.
My first day, I with my trauma, palpitations, panic attacks, nausea and hundred other symptoms went sweating to the big, deep pond sized, scary pool. I was told to get down and with much dismay I did. Waters all around me, a grave terror surrounding me, I held my trainers’ hands as hard as I could grip, I closed my eyes and I shakily hummed in fear, my body trembled.
My trainer already knew about my phobia, she therefore, therapeutically told me if I was scared too much then to keep my eyes closed and submerge myself upto the neck feeling the nice and comfortable water throughout every part of my body and relax. I breathed heavily and frequently, my heart racing. She calmed me down and taught me breathing in water.
How to take in deep and restful breaths outside of it and go down submerging the whole of the body inside and releasing the air bubbles with the full presence of mind and tranquility. I noticed people around me also did the same and the water made great splashing sounds which petrified me. I was still anxious while going out of the swimming pool. My trainer helped me throughout. I experienced several sleepless nights and the same horrible experience at pool.
In few weeks surprisingly, my fears gave in to a lot extend, the water felt nice on my body, the sound did not haunt me anymore as it used to do, I was able to perform breathing smoothly which almost gave me the sense of relaxation and serenity to the fullest.
My symptoms faded gradually, I did not need to close my eyes as often as I had to do. After few months, I was no more an aqua phobic declared by my own mental experience as well as my trainer. My mother understood it well before us.
The challenge then began, I basically had just learnt the basics whereas my batchmates rushed into the freestyle and backstrokes at a good pace. I was merely training myself, but rather recovering myself from the phobia.
Being under a club I had to give the examinations which we were expected to qualify and we had to participate in competitions as well, so I had to speed up just like everybody else from the very day.
My relaxation minimized, my heart started racing once again, my breathing went frequent, I had panic attacks, palpitation, grave terror once again, but this time it was not the phobia that was responsible but all because of the will to learn, qualify, compete and to win. In this process, I drank a lot of water, I inhaled water through my nostrils leading to burning sensations in my trachea, water entered my ears causing pain, because of increased practicing hours my eyes burnt and whitish vision was perceived, I panted, my skin surface wrinkled and all of these were for good.
My mother did not induce competitive nature in me but she taught me how to be ambitious since my childhood. So, I aimed both at qualifying and winning. I qualified in the examination without any hitch. The day of competition hit me really bad, while I struggled towards the finishing point my opponents swiftly managed to get the certificated and trophies in a go.
Among many categories, I qualified for the final round in only one of them, yet did not win. I surely did not work as hard as other participants and my main focus was not competition at first place so I was not very unhappy with the outcome. Words of Pierre de Coubertin ‘The important thing in the Olympic Games is not winning but taking part. The essential thing in life is not conquering but fighting well.’ did teach me sportsmanship spirit. It congratulated me for participation and encouraged me to keep aiming at high-level competitions.
Sports specially swimming not only counts as a competition or a way to keep oneself healthy but also it is therapeutic and serves as a means of mental and physical satisfaction, I can prove by my experience and through survey reports.
Upon more rigorous training, hard work and practice I did succeed in other consecutive competitions, enrolling myself into nationals as well. I fulfilled my aim, in the process of fulfilling my mother’s. Yet I will not stop achieving.
By: Kasturi Bhattacharya
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