THE FACE OFF
It was just another day for Tara, as she stood in front of the mirror and ran the brush through her silky straight hairs. The small rays of the morning sun which sneaked through her window reflected on her face making it look more radiant.
Tara was still lost in deep thought, when her mom called out, “Tara, breakfast is ready, hurry up, you are already late!”. “Yes mom, coming”, Tara responded. She quickly picked up her bag and rushed outside the room. “I am sorry mom, will have breakfast in office. I have got an important client meeting”, she said while grabbing an apple from the basket. She kissed her mom goodbye, like she always did and hurried out. Though her office building was at a walking distance, still she preferred a rick to save time.
Tara worked in a reputed MNC as an IT professional. Reaching her office she quickly took the lift to second floor. Tara took a long deep breath before she went in to her boss’s cabin. “Good morning! Satish”, Tara smiled as she entered and saw a man in a light blue shirt sitting with his back towards the door. “Tara! please come.. I was just briefing Nikhil about the project”, Satish smiled back. As Tara went ahead to greet Nikhil, her jaw dropped. Seeing her uneasy Satish asked concerned, “Tara, are you fine?”.
“Yes Satish!”. “Mr Mehta, this is Tara, she is leading this project in India and would be working with you in this collaboration”. “Hi! Tara! looking forward to working with you”, Nikhil said, with the same awkwardness and excused himself. As soon as Nikhil left the room, Tara turned towards Satish, “I am sorry Satish but I won’t be able to assist Nikhil in this project. Can you please assign someone else?”
“What’s the matter Tara? I have been noticing, you were not comfortable with Nikhil. Is there something I can help with?” “Thanks Satish, but am fine. It’s just that I have not been feeling well. And it would be nice if you can assign someone else for this project”. “Look Tara, this is a big growth opportunity for you and you were after me for this project since long. Now when you have the chance, I don’t understand why do you want to back out. Re-think your decision and still if you want, I will look for a replacement”.
Tara thanked Satish and left. Tara could not concentrate on her work for the rest of the day. A wave of thoughts ran in her mind leading to a tornado of questions. Wrapping up her work she left for home early. Once home, she went straight to her room and shut herself. As soon as she closed her eyes, trying to relax, her mind gave in to her past which she had been struggling to forget.
TWO YEARS BACK….
Tara waited impatiently at Cafe and Cream, checking her watch innumerable times. Nikhil had not turned up yet and his delay made Tara apprehensive. She called him up but didn’t get an answer. It was a very special day for Tara.. she would say “yes” to Nikhil today, accepting his proposal. She had been waiting to see Nikhil’s enthralled face when she said yes. Tara and Nikhil were college sweethearts. Though they always knew that they were inseparable and deeply in love with each other, this formal proposal would take their relationship to a new level.
Finally almost an hour and half later when there was no sign of Nikhil, Tara decided to try his number one more time and then leave. As her footsteps tiptoed in the moonlit sky, the surge of emotions that she was holding on to till now, outpoured onto her cheeks stinging her heart with an unbearable pain. The night had descended but sleep evaded Tara, as she lay wide awake waiting for Nikhil’s call. Nikhil had always been the perfect boyfriend, someone a girl would crave for and Tara basked in his love knitting a lovely future together. But that evening’s incident and Nikhil’s disappearance made Tara doubt her decision.
Tara didn’t realise when she had fallen asleep, and woke up to the chirping of her alarm tone. She got up hurriedly and checked her phone, but her messages were still not read and her call records did not show any missed call from Nikhil. The sun had now gone high, spreading it’s hue across the sky. And so did Tara’s concern. She knew Nikhil would never leave her messages and calls unanswered. The anger had now taken the shape of worry and she decided to drop in at Nikhil’s place and find out if he was fine. Tara took a quick bath, donned into a simple kurti paired with blue denims and kolhapuri chappal.
She kissed her mom goodbye and rushed to take a cab to Nikhil’s place. A thousand questions kept crawling in Tara’s mind giving way to frightening thoughts and she just kept praying for Nikhil’s wellbeing. Once outside his home, she desperately pressed his doorbell, waiting to get a glimpse of him. After numerous efforts, the bell went unanswered and left Tara in tears. Not knowing what to do, she called some of their common friends but nobody had a clue about Nikhil’s whereabouts and were equally tensed when Tara narrated the entire incident. Left with no other option, Tara trudged back home still trying Nikhil’s number which went unanswered. Seeing her sunken face, Tara’s mom raised concern, “What happened Tara? Why do you look so worried? You just rushed out in the morning without having breakfast and now you look terrible. What’s the matter?” All this while, Tara had been quietly battling the turmoil inside her head, but those comforting words from her mom made her break all the boundaries and she burst into tears.
Seeing her daughter crying uncontrollably, her mom made her sit and putting her head on her lap, lovingly asked, “Is it something related to Nikhil?” Tara and her mom were best friends. After her dad’s untimely demise, she had become very close to her mother and they shared every small detail of their lives. So her mom knew that Nikhil and Tara liked each other, though they had not made their relationship official. Sobbing between her tears, Tara managed to utter, “mom, Nikhil was supposed to see me last evening. But he didn’t turn up and since then neither is he responding to my messages nor is he answering my calls. I even went to check on him but nobody turned up at the door. I am really feeling very helpless. I don’t know how do I contact him.” Tara’s mom listened to her daughter’s words with a lot of patience and then assuringly she stroked Tara’s hairs and said, “Don’t worry so much.
May be he is stuck up somewhere and might not have access to his phone. Worrying will only add up to your grief. So try to relax and wait for his call. I am sure he will get in touch with you soon. Now get up and have something.” On her mom’s insistence, Tara somehow managed to nibble through a sandwich and gulp a glass of juice. Once done, she went to her room and locked herself. Knowing that her daughter needed to be all by herself, Tara’s mom didn’t disturb her and continued with her household chores. Waiting for Nikhil’s call and checking for the ticks on her messages to turn blue, Tara had fallen asleep. She woke up startled to the sudden beep on her mobile, but seeing it to be from someone else, she kept her phone aside and closed her eyes. Tara’s wait and exasperation had turned a week old, but there was no news about Nikhil.
None of their friends too knew about him. Feeling helpless, she waited endlessly for a news. One fine morning, Tara woke up to Nikhil’s name flashing on her screen, making her gloomy face turn into smiles. But the happiness was really short lived since Tara’s eyes had swelled up with tears when she read what Nikhil had messaged. “Hi Tara, I know you must be very worried about me. I am sorry I could not turn up that evening at the cafe and couldn’t answer your calls and messages throughout the day. I am sorry Tara but please don’t take me wrong and forgive me if you can. I deliberately didn’t come to see you that day because I don’t want to see you ever again. I am sorry but we can’t continue with this relationship anymore. I have my priorities and I need to look at them. Having you around would only distract me from my goals. Please don’t expect any more messages or calls from me and don’t even try to come home and convince me because I do not want you to land up in any kind of awkward situation.
I am sorry once again. I know I might be sounding ruthless right now, but this is all I have to say. Take care of yourself and be happy wherever you are.” Tara read it again and again to make her mind and heart believe that all of it was true. The words pierced her heart and tore it to pieces. The tears didn’t stop making her gasp for breath. Her world had fallen apart. The man she loved had crushed her trust and her happiness in a fraction of seconds. How badly she wished all of this to be a bad dream. She didn’t know what to message snd how to convince Nikhil. Wiping her tears she started typing, “Tell me Nikhil that all of this is a prank and you are just pulling my leg. Please don’t stretch it anymore and talk to me. I have been waiting to talk to you since a week and now it’s enough. Please tell me where you are and am coming right away. I have so many things to tell you. At least talk to me once please”.
Clicking on the sent button, Tara waited with bated breath. A little while later, Tara’s screen again popped up Nikhil’s name. Keeping her fingers crossed, she clicked to read, “What is wrong with you Tara? What do you want to talk about? I told you that I don’t want to continue any further. Is that so difficult to understand? Please leave me alone and move on with your life. Our paths can never merge. You and I do not have a future together so please stop this here only. And if you don’t stop messaging me, I will have to switch off my phone. Goodbye Tara.” Burying her face in her palm, she cried inconsolably. And when could not cry anymore, she picked up her phone to send him one last message. “Enough Nikhil, now you are testing my patience. How can you just break up and walk away? This is not just about you. We both are in a relationship and you can’t end everything so easily without even citing a reason. At least I have the right to know what is the real reason behind all this. Do not be an escapist and run away just because you foresee issues in us being together. We can work this out. I will wait for your answer and I hope you won’t disappoint me.”
Tara expectantly waited for Nikhil’s reply because she was sure that her message would melt down his anger and arrogance and force him to come back. The clock kept ticking into minutes, hours and days. It had been almost twenty days since Tara had last messaged Nikhil. There was no news from his side. Tara had tried calling him too but to her dismay his phone had gone unreachable. All this while Tara had kept the flame of hope and love alive but with each passing day the hope flickered and love weakened. The transition of pain to anger often makes you hate the person you had once loved with all your heart. The same happened with Tara.
The love she had for Nikhil was now engulfed in rage and hatred. Nikhil’s dejection had ripped apart her trust in love and she shelved herself into loneliness.
PRESENT DAY
All these years, Tara had been trying to cope up with the rejection. She had also tried to fill in the void that Nikhil’s love had left behind, but had not been able to do so. Finally she had compromised with what life offered to her and decided to move forward. But today, when she saw Nikhil in front of her eyes, the pages from her past lay strewn all over her and all she could do was just stare at them blankly. The emotions that she had hidden in the closet of her heart, vehemently found their way out through her eyes, living on her cheeks and finally dying on her lips. Tara realized that the dusk had turned into dark when her mom called her for dinner.
At dinner Tara’s mom could feel the sudden change in her daughter but she gave Tara the space and wanted her to come and share her problem when she was ready for it. They had their food in silence and retired to their rooms. NIKHIL & TARA Tara woke up when the morning sun kissed her good morning and she soaked in the warmth of the beautiful golden rays. After a night long fight between the brain and the heart, the brain had finally been triumphant. Tara finally chose her career and decided to carry on with the project, keeping aside her past and Nikhil. Tara had always enjoyed her work and every morning she would enthusiastically look forward to reach office and start her stuff. But this morning was different. The zeal was lost somewhere. But she knew that she had to fight all the odds and put all her energy into her work. Good news awaited Tara, as her best friend Shruti was back after a week long official trip to Mysore. Shruti’s over hectic schedule had stopped Tara from bothering her with the turmoil that she had gone through in those two days. And now when she saw Shruti she just could not stop rushing to her and hugging her tight. Shruti too was happy to see her friend and understood that Tara was upset but she waited for the right moment to talk to her.
The pile of emails and the back to back calls had made Tara forget about Nikhil; but not for too long because when she went to the coffee den to grab her cup, she saw Nikhil in the smoking area, bringing back all the happenings of the previous day. Tara quickly came back to her desk and buried herself into work. She kept her fingers crossed, praying not to cross paths with Nikhil. An email notification suddenly caught her attention. Nikhil had sent a proposal design and wanted to discuss about it post lunch. Tara’s controlled her rage and calming her mind, started reviewing the slides. On the way to the conference room, Tara kept repeating to herself, “It’s ok Tara, he is just a colleague. Don’t let him affect you. Just do your work and get away with it. Be professional, that’s it.” “Hey Tara, how have you been doing?”, Nikhil was already waiting in the room and greeted her with a big smile. “Am good Mr Mehta, thank you”, Tara kept it short. “Can we start with the discussion? I have got another meeting lined up”, Tara said curtly.
The air in the room was a mix of uneasiness and discomfort as Tara found it too hard to see Nikhil so close to her. Contrarily Nikhil was not that uncomfortable. Instead when he stole little glances in between their discussion, he saw that Tara still looked beautiful with the child like innocence on her face. The face he had once admired and adored still made his heart skip beats today also. “Mr Mehta, I guess we are done for the day. You can review the changes and let me know so that we can work on the final plan”, Tara’s voice broke Nikhil’s reverie, bringing him back to the reality. “Sure Tara, will do that. Thanks!”, before Nikhil could escort her out, she had already shut the door behind her. Wrapping up the work, Tara walked up to Shruti’s cubicle.
“Hey Tara, logged out early?”, said Shruti a little surprised. “Yeah! Tara replied with a sigh and continued, “If you are going to take time, then I will leave”. “Give me a minute dear, will just send across this mail”, Shruti smiled. Tara and Shruti walked down to their favourite place, the cafeteria. Ordering their favourite cappuccino they took their reserved place. “Tell me Tara, what’s wrong with you? why do you look so lost and upset? asked Shruti concerned. Tara’s eyes watered up as she narrated how Nikhil suddenly landed up in the office and she got tied up with him in this project. Shruti patiently listened to her friend’s ordeal and then consolingly said, “I know Tara how difficult it must be to see him here, but the best thing I can suggest you is to bravely handle this and keep a strict professional relationship with him. He had shattered you so please don’t let him hurt you again. Anyways his presence is temporary, he will go back once this project goes live. So don’t think about him and just concentrate on your work and your life.”
“I am trying Shruti, but whenever I see him, the past stands in front of me, staring at me with it’s ugly face and I lose control. I really don’t know what kind of a destiny is this. The book, I thought I had finished reading has reopened with a blank page, as if ready to write the story of my agony once again”. “I can understand Tara, but you have to stay calm and focus on your today. You have come a long way. Please don’t let your yesterday spoil your today. You know right, what am trying to say?”, asked Shruti. “Yes Shruti, I know what you mean. Come let’s go, it’s almost dinner time. Mom must be worried.” Nikhil’s face kept flashing in front of her eyes, keeping sleep away but the tiredness finally took over sending Tara into a deep slumber.
CAN WE TALK?
Days aged into weeks and Tara got busy with her project trying to focus less on Nikhil and more on her work. One afternoon while she was in the cafeteria sipping her trademark cappuccino, she saw Nikhil pull the chair in front of her, “Can I?” “Sure!”, Tara replied without any change in her expression and kept enjoying her drink.
“I don’t know where to start from. I had been thinking of talking to you but could not muster up the courage to initiate this. I know Tara, that whatever I say would not make you believe in me still I want to clear out certain things. I am really very sorry Tara for all that happened on that day”, before Nikhil could continue, Tara interrupted, “Mr Mehta, am tolerating you here just because you are my colleague and I don’t want to create a scene here. But that doesn’t mean you can come over and start a conversation anytime you want. I would appreciate if you stick to pure professionalism. Hope I have made myself clear. Good day Mr Mehta.”, and she left the place leaving Nikhil stunned with her words. Going back to her desk, Tara was busy replying the emails, when her cellphone buzzed.
“Hey! am good. Can I call you back in sometime?”, she said and disconnected the call. As she looked up, Shruti was right in front staring at her, “Tara, why don’t you talk to him? Why are you avoiding him?” “I will talk to him later, Shru. I need to action those emails right now”. Life went on and Tara went with the flow, avoiding Nikhil as much as she could. They say, “first love leaves behind imprints which are never washed away!”, and the same was happening with Tara. Though she avoided Nikhil, still every night he eould capture her thoughts taking her back to the good old lovely days. And then all her happiness would crash like the waves crash at the shore. Tara would often think what kind of game was life playing with her. When she wanted Nikhil badly, he left her alone with so many unanswered questions and now when she had somehow managed to move on, he again came and knocked at her door.
STUCK TOGETHER
It was another very normal day at office when Tara finished her work and went towards the elevator. As soon as the door opened and she walked in, she saw Nikhil already there. She turned her back towards him and waited for her floor. Suddenly the lift stopped with a jerk and the lights went off engulfing Tara and Nikhil in darkness. Tara panicked and started pressing the alarm frantically. Small beads of sweat glistened on her forehead when Nikhil tried to put some light from his cellphone’s torch. “Don’t worry Tara, may be it’s just a power failure. The lift will start soon. Just don’t get scared, am here only. I know you are claustrophobic but please relax. Here have some water”, Nikhil offered her the bottle. Tara didn’t answer him and instead mumbled, “There’s no network too. Now how am I supposed to call Shru and tell her to get me out of here”.
Nikhil didn’t say anything further and started fiddling with his cellphone, when something caught his attention. Tara was breathing heavily and perspiring badly. He held her and patted her back relaxing her. Offering her water he asked concerned, “Tara please relax and take deep breaths. Just don’t panic. I am here with you. We will get out of this soon.” Worry was written all over his face and love reflected in his eyes. Even Tara didn’t realise when she had held Nikhil’s hand so comfortably. Tara started feeling a little better when a noise startled them and the lights made them awkward. As soon as the lift started, Tara pulled out her hand and wiped her face. Nikhil too moved away and waited for the door to open. Tara and Nikhil both went their ways, lost in deep thoughts. Tara spent that night in denial, rejecting and fighting with her heart when it tried to project the positive side of Nikhil.
She convinced her mind into accepting that Nikhil’s good gesture was only an effort to win her back and not out of goodwill and care for her. Finally her heart accepted defeat and put Tara to sleep. Tara spent her days immersed in work and her nights fighting a battle between her heart and her mind. Nikhil often tried to be sweet to Tara, but stopped doing so when there was no reciprocation from her side. Tara often heard good things about Nikhil from his colleagues as how generous and a gentleman he was. Even Shruti praised him for being so empathetic and polite with everyone and listening to everyone’s concerns with such patience. Deep down Tara knew that Nikhil was not a bad guy and may be some circumstances back then might have led Nikhil to fo what he did, still Tara had all rights to know the truth but Nikhil had taken away that right from her too and had shut all doors abruptly, which infuriated Tara the most.
SHRUTI’S INSIGHTS
Shruti knew everything about Tara and Nikhil and had a very ugly picture of him in her mind. But when she saw him in person, Nikhil’s decency and generosity forced her to change her opinion about him. Shruti knew that Tara still loved Nikhil and she even tried talking to Tara but Tara was so blindfolded with the betrayal that Nikhil had given him that she denied to see, believe or listen to anything good about him. Shruti didn’t want to see her friend suffer and repent later in her life, do she thought of talking to Nikhil once. While Nikhil was busy going through a file, he heard a knock. “Hey Shruti! please come in. Have a seat. What happened? you look concerned. Is Tara fine?”, Nikhil just spurted out the words and then suddenly stopped. “It’s ok Nikhil. Tara has told me everything about you. And yes she is fine and she doesn’t even know that am here to talk to you. Actually Nikhil I don’t know how should I put this, but am just worried for my friend and I feel you should talk to her once. I really don’t know what is your side of the story but may be you should try to talk to Tara, because I know her and I know what she feels about you. I am sorry if I have crossed any lines but I truly wish Tara to get all the happiness that she deserves. I will take your leave now and I do expect you to keep this conversation between you and me for the time being”. Shruti thanked Nikhil and left. Shruti’s words kept ringing in Nikhil’s ears but he could not decide how to approach Tara and make her understand everything. Meeting Tara in this office was a sheer coincidence but after seeing Tara once again rekindled all the love he had. He still loved her more than anything else in the world and urged to be with her. But now what mattered the most for him was Tara’s wish and her happiness. The only reason he had waited all these days patiently and not gone to her forcing her to listen out to him was because with time he had left the old Nikhil back somewhere and this new one just cared for what and how Tara felt.
The distance and the pain of losing someone had only taught him how to love someone better and selflessly. After much thought, Nikhil decided to give it a try the next day and see if Tara would agree to be an ear to his side of the story.
THE ACCIDENT
Nikhil reached office a little earlier so that he could talk to Tara to convince her to meet in a cafe. But when he went to look out for her, the chair was empty and the laptop was not there. He knew that she was never late for office and it was already past her time. Assuming she might be in the cafeteria, he waited for her and got busy with work. It was past 10 and there was no sign of Tara. Getting apprehensive as he got up to check for her, he saw a chaos near Shruti’s desk. Worried he went and asked enquiringly, “What happened Shruti? What’s the chaos about?”.
“Tara slipped from the stairs and has hurt herself. Aunty has taken her to the hospital and we too are going there only.” Before Shruti could finish, Nikhil had already rushed out, taking the stairs without even waiting for the lift. He wheeled his car and sped to the hospital. The churning of the steering churned all sorts of negative thoughts in his brain making him press the accelerator with more force. He didn’t want to lose Tara once again and kept blaming himself for hurting her so much and staying away from him for so long. He cursed himself for not talking to her and losing out on time. His lips prayed for her well-being and he begged for a second chance to the almighty. As soon as he stopped at the hospital he parked his car and hurried his steps towards the reception. Walking towards her room, he kept praying. Tara’s forehead had a bandage and her face had turned pale. The needles mercilessly pricked her delicate veins and she lay with her eyes closed, unaware of his presence. Nikhil went inside and greeted her mom. Tara had shared everything about Nikhil and her mom was not surprised to see him there. “How are you beta!” Tara’s mom asked. “I am good aunty. What did the doctor say? How’s Tara’s condition? Hiw did this accident happen?”
“By God’s grace, Tara is fine. There are no internal injuries and they will keep her under observation for today and discharge her thereafter. She tripped and fell down from the stairs beta!” “Thank God aunty that Tara is fine. I was so worried when I heard the news”, Nikhil didn’t say much. “Don’t worry beta, you sit here. I will just go and get the medicines”, Tara’s mom said and got up to go. Nikhil stopped her saying, “Aunty, please be with Tara. I will get them”, and asked for the prescription. Seeing Tara’s mom uncomfortable, Nikhil continued, “Aunty, Tara is a colleague and we are working on the same project. Please don’t think otherwise and let me get the medicines”. She handed over the prescription on his insistence and sat beside her daughter, looking at her innocence and questioning the almighty who had put her through so much pain and adversity. Nikhil and Shruti insisted on staying in the hospital though Nikhil’s decision puzzled Tara’s mom and the other office colleagues who had come to check on Tara. He waited till Tara regained consciousness and the doctor discharged her. Nikhil dropped them home, and Shruti opted to stay back with Tara. So bidding goodbye and wishing Tara a speedy recovery, Nikhil left. Tara had been a silent observer all through, not only because of the sedatives but also because she found herself entwined and entrapped in life’s ugly game. Since Tara could not go to office, Nikhil missed her a lot. Though he took continuous updates about her health from Shruti, still he yearned to see her and talk to her.
THE FLASHBACK- HIS STORY
The Mumbai rains had started making the climate adorable. Tara sat in her balcony sipping tea and reading a novel when someone knocked at the door. Her mom opened to find an unexpected visitor. Nikhil was standing with a bouquet of orchids and a small gift box. Tara’s mom welcomed him, “how are you beta? how come you are here today?” “I just came to check in on Tara. I hope that didn’t annoy you. I will just give her these and leave”. “It’s ok beta. Tara is in the balcony”, she said when left with no choice. Tara was shocked to see Nikhil at her home. She controlled herself and gave him a dry smile, “Hello Mr Mehta, I didn’t expect you here. Is it something regarding the project? I know we are in the final stage of the go live but you need to wait. I will start work only after am completely fine. I need some time”. Nikhil had been holding on to his feelings all this while but Tara’s audacity was the last nail. He almost started in a pleading tone, “Tara, enough is enough. I know you are hurt and I know am at fault. What I did doesn’t even deserve forgiveness but the only request I have is for you to listen to me once. At least I am entitled to this one chance from you.” “Nikhil, please refresh your memories and try to recollect how i pleaded you to tell me the reason for your decision. Even I had the right to know it. We both were in a relationship and you just solely took a decision and gave your verdict. Was that fair?” Tara replied hurt, remembering the evening. “I know Tara, and am sorry from the core of my heart. You tell me what else can I do or say so that you will believe me?” Before Nikhil could say anything else, Tara’s mom came in with tea. “Tara, am upstairs, please call out if you need anything. Nikhil please have tea”. Nikhil again started with folded hands. “Tara, I should have told you everything right then but I just could not say it. Please listen out to me once, at least for old times sake”. Tara’s silence was a partial nod to Nikhil’s plea. Nikhil composed himself and continued, “That evening I was on my way to meet you and hear those three magical words and that long awaited “yes”. We were officially going to be a couple and my mirth knew no bounds. The romantic weather just after the rains, added to the glee and to suit the mood, I had plugged in the ear phones with music playing loudly. I was lost in your thoughts playfully riding my bike when suddenly a car hit me and my bike skid, dragging me along through the road. That’s all I remember because when I opened my eyes I found myself in the hospital bed, with bandages on my hands and legs and numerous tubes jabbed into my body. Still the first thing I wanted to do was call you since I knew you would be waiting. But strong sedatives made me drowsy and I drifted off to sleep. The next morning I opened my eyes to a team of doctors discussing my reports and talking to my parents. I could gauge that something was seriously wrong and asked the doctor what was it.” Turning towards me, he started in a very serious tone, “Mr Nikhil, am sorry to say but the sudden blow on your spinal cord has resulted in hemiplegia- a partial paralysis of the left side of your body. I won’t say that it is not curable because we are looking out at the treatment modalities and will ensure the best for you. Don’t lose hope. Take Care!”, saying this the doctor walked out of the room followed by his colleagues and my parents. “My whole world came crashing down in that moment. I felt miserable when I tried and could not feel any sensation on my left leg and hands. It seemed as if life stopped and I was being brutally punished. I knew you won’t be able to tolerate this shock and thought to inform you after I got a little better because I didn’t want to see you in agony. I missed you terribly still I wanted to protect you from the torment that I was going through. As days passed, my condition didn’t get any better. Instead I became more agitated and frustrated when I had to depend on someone for a glass of water too. I hated the sympathetic look in my relatives eyes. The fact that I could not go back to being normal ever again killed me from inside draining me out of all emotions. This agonising incident had left me so broken that I decided to stay away from people and built a cocoon of denial around me. I didn’t let anyone enter it, not even you. I didn’t want you to leave your everything and look after me, because I know that you would have done that. I didn’t want you to look at my helpless state and feel bad and I didn’t want to spoil your life by being with someone who was himself dependent on others for every small thing. That’s when I send that message. Believe me Tara, my heart bled with pain while i typed those words. I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to protect you always. And at that point of time, all I could think was forcing you to go away from me”. Nikhil stopped for a second to clear his throat. All this while, he had been looking down and narrating his story. But when he looked up, he saw Tara drenched with tears. The tears had flowed and dried and left behind it’s imprint, depicting the intense throb that Tara felt after listening to what Nikhil had to go through. She wiped her tears and listened as Nikhil continued, “The doctors suggested physiotherapy but it didn’t help me in any way. My wrath and resentment only soared higher and higher making it difficult for me to spend every single day of my life. One of my dad’s friend suggested a very good neurosurgeon in New York who handled my kind of cases. Without any further delay, dad got all arrangements done for our departure. I wanted to see you once before leaving, but I knew if I called you, I would become weak and won’t be able to push you away from me. So with a heavy heart I left for New York. It took me almost one and a half years to become completely independent and go back to my previous life. After that incident, mom and dad didn’t want to come back, dad had already shifted his base there and I found a job too. The first thing that I thought of, when I stood off from that wheelchair was to see you snd apologise for everything. I was looking for a chance to come back to India and destiny paved the path for me. Little did I know that I would meet you in this office. That euphoric moment when I saw you for the first time brought back all those memories that were hidden somewhere. You can’t imagine the depth of my elation when I met you. I had decided to talk to you and ask forgiveness. But I took my steps back when I saw so much hatred and contempt for me. You were a completely changed person. The “Tara” I had loved was cheerful and full of life. But the aching pain I had given you had turned your heart into stone. The day you left from the cafeteria was when I decided that I didn’t deserve your forgiveness too and would go back once this project gets over. But seeing you everyday kept refreshing the joyful moments that we had spent together and I could not stop my heart from loving you more. The convo with Shruti made me realise that may be your feelings have not died too. Still I was in a dilemma, but when I heard about your accident, I saw my world crashing down once again and all I prayed to God was to save you from any mishap and give me a second chance to make things right between you and me. I could not hold my heart anymore Tara, so I came here uninvited. I am sorry Tara if I have caused you or aunty any wrong by coming here. But I wanted to see you and I wanted a second chance in love”. Tara’s eyes swelled up with tears and her lips trembled as she tried to say something. But Nikhil stopped her and instead took her hands in his and looked into her eyes and all he could see was his pain and suffering flowing through Tara’s eyes and the old flame of love still burning bright. As he was about to speak, suddenly something pricked his right thumb. As he removed his thumb, he saw a diamond ring dazzling on Tara’s left ring finger. The sparkle of the diamond at once startled her and she slipped away her hands from Nikhil’s. Tara avoided Nikhil’s querying eyes and went and stood near the railing. Nikhil too got up and stood by her side. “I am sorry Nikhil, but it’s too late now. I am already engaged to Rohit and would be getting married in a year. I can’t leave Rohit and change my decision because he has accepted me with my past. The path I have chosen doesn’t have a reverse turn. I am really sorry for all the days that I have hated you and been rude to you. I wish you would have allowed me to be a part of your suffering and may be we would have been together today. I am not blaming you for anything, in fact am feeling miserable that I was not with you when you needed me the most and kept hating you. This guilt will forever stay with me. And I hate myself for being so bad to you. I am really very sorry. Please forgive me”, saying this, Tara cried inconsolably. Nikhil was too heartbroken to say anything further. Leaving behind the orchids and the gift box on the table, he went out and shut the door behind him.
THE DILEMMA
Tara retired to her room but sleep evaded her and she lay on her bed staring into the darkness of the night. There were a few messages and a missed call from Rohit but she was in no mood to answer them. She was still awake when her mom came in to check if she had taken her medicines or not. Her mom knew what was going on in Tara’s mind. She gently took Tara’s head and placed it on her lap. Stroking her hair gently, she asked Tara, “Are you happy with what you are doing? Imagine that you chose Rohit and settle down with him, but after ten years, when you look back at your life, will you repent? or will you be satisfied that you chose the correct path? Beta, you are mature enough to take your stand and I can just guide you. I know you said yes to Rohit on my insistence but your happiness is what matters to me the most. I don’t want my child to compromise with her happiness. Tara, life doesn’t give a second chance to everyone. Chose what makes you happy. Now try to get some sleep and always remember that whatever is your decision, I will always stand by you”. She kissed her forehead lovingly and went out. Tara hardly slept that night and a few more nights thereafter. She didn’t know what life wanted from her. She didn’t know whoch way to go and whom to chose. Should she give Nikhil and herself a second chance in love? or should she start her life with Rohit? Rohit was a very decent and humble guy who had accepted her even after knowing that she loved someone else. How could she hurt him? Won’t that be selfish on her part? These questions kept haunting her day and night and she could still not find answers to any of them. It had been a week now since Nikhil had visited her. There were no messages or calls from him after that day. Tara too didn’t know what to say or ask. Soon the time came when she had to resume work.
ALONE AGAIN?
The bright sunny morning rays fell on the mirror reflecting on her face like they always did. Tara looked happy after a very long time and to suit her mood, she had opted for a sea green kurta with white straight pants. She looked simple yet elegant in this outfit. She put on her usual make up, smiled faintly and was about to leave for work when her mom called out to her. Seeing Tara smile after so long, she took a little kajal from her eyes and dabbed it behind Tara’s ears, to save her daughter’s happiness from any evil eye. Tara kissed her mom goodbye and left for work. Reaching office she went directly to Nikhil’s desk. But to her dismay, Nikhil was not there and did neither of his belongings. In a fluster, she went looking for Shruti.
“Shru, any idea where’s Nikhil. I couldn’t find him in his cabin”, Tara said alarmingly. “Nikhil has already left Tara. I thought he must have told you. He submitted the final reports of the project to Satish yesterday itself. Are you guys not in touch? He has a flight to New York in sometime and he must be already in the airport”, Shruti replied confused as to how why Nikhil had not informed Tara that he was leaving. Shruti asked concerned, “What happened Tara? Will you tell me what’s going on?”, but Tara was busy frantically pressing some keys on her mobile. She mumbled, “Nikhil’s number is switched off. Now what do I do! How do I talk to him!”, and again she dialled a number. Tara spoke to someone enquiring about the flight status but her face fell after hearing the reply. “Shru, Nikhil left. He left me all alone once again with the broken pieces of my heart!
I could not stop him. I failed in love Shru. God had given me a second chance and I lost that too.” Shruti who had now got an idea about what was going on, tried to console Tara, but Tara excused herself and went to her desk. She switched on her laptop but her thoughts drifted to the evening before when she had called Rohit and asked him to meet. She recalled how Rohit had readily agreed to the meeting. She remembered his crestfallen face during the confab when she told him about Nikhil’s comeback and the evening in her balcony. Rohit had listened to each and every word very carefully and at last asked her decision. He always knew that Tara loved Nikhil deeply but he had hoped that post their engagement and with time may be Tara would inculcate some kind of feelings towrads him, but his expectations were hit when he realised that she was just compromising with her life by being with him. He had put the ball in Tara’s court and asked her to pronounce the judgment. And when Tara told him what she wished for, he stood by her and accepted her decision since he didn’t want to live with the guilt of spoiling the lives of two people who loved each other dearly. He would have stooped down in his own eyes and could not have done justice to his relationship even if he married Tara. Tara’s eyes had watered as she reminisced the way her life had cascaded to what it was today. Falling in love with Nikhil, weaving dreams of a togetherness with him; the betrayal and the despair and depression that followed; trying to move on but still holding onto the past, engagement with Rohit; Nikhil’s comeback, his narration, and finally Rohit’s decision. She summarized her life and repented for having missed the second chance in love.
She delayed in understanding the sign of God and pushed Nikhil away from her. And now she had to live with this for the rest of her life. She tried to open her mailbox and get to work but the happenings from the last few days kept echoing in her ears. Somehow she tried to draft a mail, when suddenly a beep on her cellphone distracted her. Her eyes were full of surprise and shock when she opened the message. It was from Nikhil. “I could not go Tara. I missed my flight. I just could not leave you like this and go. If you cannot give us a second chance then can I at least see you one last time before leaving forever?” Tara quickly typed a short message, “See me at the Cafe and Cream in thirty minutes”, she send the message and rushed to share this news with Shruti. Half an hour later, when Tara got down from the cab, she saw Nikhil already waiting outside the cafe. The same cafe where her dreams were shattered had healed all those wounds today. She observed Nikhil with so much attention to detail after a very long time. He was wearing a toasted almond shirt paired with black denims.
The sunglasses perched on his head added to the charm. Tara could not take her eyes off him and soaked in the feel, before she went ahead. Before Nikhil could say anything, Tara hugged him tight and Nikhil too embraced her with love. Words were not needed since the silence spoke everything. Nikhil and Tara went and sat inside ordering their favourite cappuccinos. They giggled and laughed and cried and let all the pain, suffering, distress and desperation flow away. What remained was just love and the longing for a togetherness.
By: Dr. Lipsa Mohanty
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