Mujhe Jeena hai, Maa: I just want to live!
“OVER 4.45 LAKH CRIMES AGAINST WOMEN IN 2022, ONE IN EVERY 51 MINUTES: NCRB” – THE HINDU, DEC 06 2023
“BRUTAL RAPE AND MURDER OF A DOCTOR IN INDIA RENEWS CONCERNS OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN” – NEWS ASIA, 5 SEPTEMBER 24
‘Oh! it’s a girl……’ A loud sigh echoed.
I am not able to breathe, Maa. The current situation is breaking me apart. I want to live. Am I asking for too much? If I am also a human being, does having XX chromosomes in my body deprive me of basic human rights? If I am human too, then why am I being deprived of my right to live?
“India witnesses one of the highest number female feticide incidents around the world: a study by Down to Earth.org”. A hospital lobby is a strange place, it has witnessed more miracles and wonders than any other place on the earth. Yet it has also witnessed the strangest human behaviors. The corridors often wondered that in a country where goddesses are worshipped, girl children are looked down and their birth is condemned.
An estimated 200 million girls have gone ‘missing’ as an effect of these sex-selective abortions. Even though governments like the Pre-conception and Pre-Natal Diagnostic Techniques Act,1994 have implemented many rules and regulations. Despite all these laws, the crime of intentional killing of female feticide is being carried out at various places across the country. A girl has to go through the dark and tough path of injustice even before she is born. She has to fight even to get a chance to breathe. And sadly, this is just the beginning of her life…
“Maa, Can I wear shorts like Bhaiyya? They look so cool!”
An instant no by her mother felt like a slap on her little heart ‘If Bhaiyya is safe in those shorts then why not me?’ she wondered: sadly, her mother had no answers….
Such verbal abuse is sadly a part of many households. This impacts the mental health of many innocent adolescent children whose brains are not even developed enough to comprehend such abuses. This not only affects their mental health by lowering their self-esteem and leaving them feeling unwanted but also has long-term consequences like increasing their vulnerability to abuse, exploitation, and manipulation and causing them to suffer from various mental health issues like depression and anxiety.
Thus, a fight begins right from her own home. Even before she begins her fight against society, she finds herself facing her own family who was supposed to be her support.
“Hey, come here…. let’s play a game…ssshh….”
And a hand that was supposed to be my protector, a friend (or as I thought) became my destructor…. Maa, I was not the one at fault, Maa I was trying to stop him, u know that right? Why are they blaming me? If it wasn’t me who did the wrong deed, then why am I being blamed? Maa, I have heard them saying that I must have done something wrong. But I promise that I have not done anything. If I am the victim here then why am I being accused? Maa, these accusations are breaking me more apart than what he did. Did I do something wrong? Why do I have to suffer through this?
‘Child rape cases increase by more than 95% from 2016 to 2022’- a report by The Economic Times. ‘One in every 3 children in India has undergone this heinous act of sexual abuse even before crossing the age of 18. Imagine that you are playing innocently with your little friends in a playground. Your mind has not even developed to understand the atrocities that humankind is capable of. Suddenly you feel someone’s hand on your chest. You feel a series of emotions- disgust, fear, anger, despair, helplessness, confusion. A deep trauma gets imprinted deep within your consciousness. A dark monster lurking in your dreams ready to pounce, attack anytime. The place that once used to be a place of memories had become an epitome of trauma for you. Maybe it wasn’t such a big deal. Maybe it was just an accidental touch, maybe it’s just my imagination. But the trauma is real. You could feel it. The sphere of emotions swirling inside your head morphs into a single question, ‘Why me?’
Sadly, this is something that has become a truth for more than 55% of children in India. What’s even more frightening is more than 50% of the abusers are not strangers but close family members or relatives. Moreover, many of these abusers have been seen to be neighbors, teachers, acquaintances, or even educators. A truly frightening statistic states that about 90% of these child sexual abuse victims already know their abusers. These innocent children are not only stolen of their innocence, their childhood but also their trust. These children sadly had to undergo various frightening mental disorders throughout their lives. It becomes really hard for them to trust or believe in anyone, regrettably losing their will to live. They have to face a wound so deep that it affects them throughout every aspect of their life.
Sadly, there are many untold stories of such atrocities that remain silent. Some so many silent warriors are going through a myriad of voiceless struggles. Quietly, suppressing their emotions, muffling their cries, oppressing their dreams, isolating themselves from the society deep inside a cocoon of silent trauma nestling themselves concealing their wounds….
‘Hey, it was you who provoked me. It is not my fault!’
The sound of that slap still buzzes in my ear, but a deeper wound engraves itself in my heart. It wasn’t me who started the fight nor I was the one who initiated the issue. I know it and know that even he knows. ‘It’s just a slap, it’s not a big deal. You are just overreacting’ they say. But I know I am not the wrong one. I could feel my consciousness drowning in the midnight blue shadows, numbing out the colors of my life. I just want to ask” Is a relation intertwined with a ritual called marriage, a consent for him to hit me? I don’t recall ever giving anyone the ownership of my body or my actions?”
‘Nearly 30% of women in India have faced domestic violence- a report by business standard.’ In a country where marriage is considered a sacred ritual and the relation of husband-wife a sacred bond domestic violence is a serious concern in our society. Alarmingly, domestic violence, a form of abuse caused by power and control dynamics not only causes emotional trauma but also causes social isolation and stigma. Consequently, affecting the children of the household too.
Unfortunately, a woman is not safe even with her husband who is supposed to be her partner for life. A partner who is expected to be a partner, a companion through the ups and downs of life becomes the reason for the downs and trauma of life. Exhausting the victim emotionally, and physically, drowning their consciousness from the happiness of life.
“You’re just exaggerating, it wasn’t that bad. Think about his future…”
Really, ‘his’ future? What about me? What about ‘my’ future? What about ‘my’ emotions? If he was the one who did the wrong thing then why am I the one being blamed? Why are my dignity, my intentions, and my innocence being questioned? I know that I don’t deserve this. I deserve justice, I deserve support!
‘India is still blaming abuse victims for the violence that occurs against them- A report by Lowy Institute.’ A shocking report by the Indian National Bar Association, in 2019 states that more than 74% of the Indians still blame the victims for the violence against them due to their clothing or behavior. This year we celebrated the 78th year of the independence of our country. But are we free? Is a person’s clothing or behavior a consent for such heinous acts? Then how are we free? 78 years of independence and we still can’t guarantee our mothers, sisters, or wives their safety? Which is their basic human right? Aggravating the situation, instead of supporting the victims, society starts blaming them, consequently leading to more turmoil in the lives of the victims.
The abusers get- away freely and on the other hand the victims have to face the scorn of society throughout their lives. Imagine instead of this, a more open-minded society is created where a safe place is created, a place which assures them; that they are not alone, they are strong, worthy, and that they deserve justice. A society is created where a victim is believed not blamed, supported not scorned, helped not silenced…
“Not all men are the same. Stop generalizing all men!”
Not all men are the same but how am I going to identify whom to trust? Not all men abuse women but almost every woman has experienced sexual, mental, or physical abuse at some point in their life. Not all men are rapists, but countless women have been victimized by a man. How am I supposed to differentiate?
Reports say that around 73% of men have experienced female-perpetrated violence or threats of false accusations. About one in every four men have experienced sexual, physical, or mental violence or have been stalked by an intimate partner during their lifetime.
Nevertheless, the fight was never about any one gender or community. It was always about justice and a human’s right to live. This war can only be won if both genders together as an important part of society in their way come together and solve one another’s problems together.
“Maa, I just wanted to live…………”
A woman is called the ardhangini of society- an equal and an important part of society. But today that ardhangini is in danger, Maa. Please tell them that I don’t want to live such a fearful life or to live every moment fearing that something bad will happen.
As she pleads to her mother, her trembling voice echoes the cries of the women worldwide. But the real question is; will their voice be heard? Will justice be served?
It’s a long and arduous but very important journey. Justice delayed is justice denied. A doctor, a mere 6-month-old child, a sixty-year-old lady, and God forbid who’s next? Till when are we going to mourn their death and how long are their screaming cries for justice going to be silenced? ‘Machli jal ki raani hai, Jeevan uska paani hai, haath lagaao toh dar jaayegi bahar nikalo toh mar jayegi’ It is very important to do something before every woman start relating with this line
Maa, Mujhe jeena hai. Mujhe bachalo, maaa…….
By: Thakur Sara Bilal Shahin
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