I AM HELPLESS, AGAIN!
When I’d put my head between my knees,
squished tightly and wailed
I forced my water-scarce lacrimal to excrete
Droplets more on my cheeks that sailed
My eyes, Her heart
cried in unison
When I was helpless!
She, who woke me up to the reality of this world’s disease
Of being cruel to the people that God beloved
I urge, “Grandma, take me in your arms, one more time, please,”
Filled with the sweetness of the motherly love,
Warmth and her own lively sound world, my queen
You were my savior
When I was helpless!
Between the beautiful, slender coconut trees and spacious grounds,
Stood a stone house, where bred a story
Of this lady legendary:
Dear one, when are you coming to meet this old lady?
She asked her tiny tot who was me,
“You are not old; you are my young grandma!”
Squeaked her tiny granddaughter
Ecstatic about their yearly arrival
Her wrinkled hands make it to the device
peculiar. To ask this monotonous question
Even Years later, as it seems nice.
When the wheel of time willingly
Whirled, so did her situation deteriorate
Time weakened her, pulled her plump physique
By her collar, like a silent killer, who pushed her life’s gate
And shrunk her to her thinnest version.
My eyes moisten
Hearts wrench to hear her distorted
Voice that sounds like a crisp dry flower
Crushed under my own rude feet,
same whim. Same question,
her milky eyes silently roar
And gaze, all the way
Towards the central door
She longs to see those children, and not the suffocating walls
Who don’t look for her today
Except her defiant diabetes and cholesterols.
I can feel her, n’ listen to her thoughts..
Wants to hear the chitters and chatters
Not the scream of that silence, pin drop
Today, her eyes, my heart
Cry in unison; Her mind screams:
“The darkness horrifies me
The silence terrifies me to death
My children are away
What If I die? What if..?”
But keeps mum about it
Feelings remain the same, but beautiful scenarios erode to become painful
Between the beautiful coconut trees and spacious grounds and a stone house,
Breeds a story of a lady legendary
Doused on the bed
My throat sours steadily
I force a bit of my saliva to go all the way down
To support it and provide moist
But all in vain
Head to toe, she rebels
Palms sweat with the anticipation of her future
My heart beats me unceasingly
Piercing my mental state
With this thought,
Today I feel helpless again
I apologize to my savior, my grandma,
I am helpless again
Take me in your arms
For one more time
Take me in your arms
For a very last time!
This poem is dedicated to my loving grandmother. I have tried to capture her present situation through this poem. I terribly miss her evening phone calls.
Love you grandma, always!
BY: DYUTHI RAVIPRASADA ALVA
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