Le rêveuse

I woke up from my sleep to a terribly loud buzzing sound and an even worse pain in my skull. I clutched my head in my hands, fearing that my head would actually fall apart if not for the bandages wrapped around it. I scrunched my nose at the overwhelming smell of bleach and rubbing alcohol, the disgusting smell not helping my headache but making my stomach churn with nausea. When the pain slightly softened, I sat up. Opening my eyes, I stared at the mirror hanging off the opposite wall. I noticed my slightly wet hair and my swollen right eye and the dried blood on the corner of my lips; I smiled to myself, it was all worth it. I looked around at the pale yellow walls that I was so used to by now- I have probably spent more time here than I have at my own home. I sneered. I wasn’t surprised that my father didn’t take me to a hospital instead of a mental health facility, I was surprised they thought that I wouldn’t get out of here in no time like all the other times before. 

 “Nurse,” I hissed as the pain in my head sharpened again. “Nurse!” 

I don’t know why I was even trying; I could scream and wail all night and they could be standing right outside but they still wouldn’t bother to answer. They’d rather be amused to hear me cry. 

I tried to get up but my eyes fell on my legs, cuffed to the foot posts. Anger erupted inside me. I clenched my teeth, the pain only worsening. There was no point in me trying, I’d only hurt my ankles. Those sneaky bastards! They really thought this could hold me down. I would get out of here tonight itself. 

I reached out to grab my phone from the table but a firm hand stopped my movements. I looked up to see an orderly standing there with an element of surprise on his face at seeing me sitting up already. They had thought that I’d be out longer. 

He pushed away my hand and stuffed my cellphone inside his pocket. My hands closed to fists.

“It’s okay,” I mumbled. “They can’t keep you here. Just a few minutes more.” I sighed and looked up to meet his cruel gaze again.

A menacing smirk was on his face. They calling this a medical facility makes me want to scoff. “You never fail to surprise me, young lady.” He was probably back to give me another dose of the sedatives.

“Why did you cuff me?” I hissed. “This won’t hold me down. I’ll get out of here.” The cuffs were cutting into my skin. I winced each time the cold metal touched the open wounds.

He harshly grabbed my face, getting ready to sedate me again. I threw my arms at him, trying to push him away. But with his other hand he pushed my wrists onto the bed. The continuous sedatives had made me exhausted or I would have easily dislocated his jawbone. I knew how to punch.

“You can’t get out this time,” he sniggered.

“I’ll get out of here,” I said through gritted teeth as I continued my struggle. “I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU WILL BE DEAD.” 

With that, he pushed the needle into me and my eyelids began to close of their own accord; my anger beginning to dissipate and drowsiness kicking in. 

“I’ll kill all of you. All of you,” I murmured before sleep took over me again.

***

I slept for what felt like hours or maybe days. I lost count of all the sedatives they were giving me. At last I stopped struggling, I couldn’t anymore. I was exhausted even when I was awake. All I wanted to do was sleep.

And so, I slept. I slept and I dreamt. I dreamt of all the ways I could get out of here. I dreamt of how I could give them a slow, painful death. 

They thought I had given up. I saw their proud smirks and triumphant eyes. They thought they won. They thought I was getting weaker. 

I heard my mom had come to see me when I was unconscious. I asked for her, wanting to talk to her one final time because I had to warn her. But they said she was gone already; she couldn’t wait for me to wake up. I had stopped listening after that. I knew the real reason behind why she didn’t wait. She was afraid. She wasn’t allowed to come see me. My father didn’t allow her to. He thought I was a monster that needed to be kept as far away from them as possible.

But I wasn’t. I was trying to protect them. Trying to warn them. But they never heard me, they thought I was daydreaming and fantasising. They viewed me as nothing more than a psychotic teenager. That’s how I ended up here. How ironic wasn’t it? The last time I’d see my father alive, we ended up fighting. Rather, him listing all the reasons for which I didn’t deserve to be at my own home as usual and me finally breaking. I couldn’t just keep listening to him and not do anything, anymore. 

I stared at the scarlet sky through the open window. Night was falling. 

He never believed my words and He’d have to pay for it now. I wouldn’t care, because as it is he wasn’t my real father. My real father was already murdered long ago; now it’s time he finally meets my stepfather too.

He’d die. Tonight. On a full moon’s.

***

When I say I do not know how I got here, trust me on this– I really don’t. I looked up at the royal blue expanse above me. The night sky was prettier than usual; the stars shimmering brighter than usual. I chuckled to myself. I wondered whether the reason behind why the stars and moon looked so silver was because they were as joyous as I was or if they were mourning early so that my abusive father could see a brighter sky when he gave up his last breath.

The ocean waves lapped lazily at the shore, a jumble of navy and royal blue glistening under the silver moon light. I took a deep breath of fresh ocean air, after days spent inhaling chlorine. 

Nobody comes to this beach anymore. There were bigger beaches around town now and everyone forgot about it. Maybe that’s why I still loved coming here so much, because I could relate to it and there would be no one to bother me here.

Then, I saw my parents. My parents who never acted like one. Fresh anger bobbled up inside me like dark, burning coal and I clenched my fists. Confusion was etched on their faces. 

I sat up from where I was sitting on the bench and walked over to them. My father saw me and his eyes flashed with a strange emotion I couldn’t place.

He spoke through gritted teeth. “You have managed to escape again, you brat.” 

I smirked. “Those aren’t very wise words for someone who is about to die.” 

The confusion on my mother’s face morphed into fear. But my dad suddenly started laughing. I looked at him.

“You will kill us? You?” He spat. “No. You will kill yourself.” He spared a glance at my mother and I swear I saw a hint of fear in them but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I growled and taking the knife from my uniform’s pocket, I stabbed it into his stomach. 

His jaw fell open and he stared down at the wound. I pulled the knife out and stabbed him again and again and again. I kept doing it and I didn’t stop. My mom was on her knees on the sandy beach; shaking and crying and wordlessly begging me to stop. When I finally did, my father was coughing up fresh globs of blood. His eyes, void and dead.

“See you in hell, daddy.” My father’s body fell on the sand.

I looked towards my frantically sobbing mother and smiled. “Don’t cry, mom. It’s over, he won’t hurt you again. He won’t hurt anyone ever again. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Mom suddenly wiped her tears with the back of her hand and stood up on shaky knees. I went to hold her but she pushed me away. 

“Why?! Why did you do this?” She glared at me. My mom had never spoken to me that way before. “You killed Austin and now him?” Austin was my biological father. Everyone believed he died in a car crash but I knew that wasn’t the case. He had tried to tell me but by the time I understood that he was in danger, it was too late. The murderers had already killed him. But it wasn’t me! I am not a murderer! “You’re crazy. YOU ARE CRAZY.” And she slapped me across the face.

Suddenly the sand started to vanish. The calming sound of the waves hitting the shore turned into ear-splitting screams. I covered my ears. The screams were so powerful, my skull was about to split. The starry sky and the silver and sapphire hues all vanished. The last thing I saw were my mother’s hateful eyes devoid of any affection.

I woke up screaming and gasping for breath. The pale yellow walls around me, that I had grown to hate so much were back and there was a peculiar ache in the centre of my abdomen. 

I saw my mom’s cold eyes first– her cold, dark eyes beside my bed and then looking down, I saw the sword that was passed straight through me. My eyes widened and I pulled my gaze up to her eyes.

Just as quickly as it had come, her eyes suddenly turned back into the eyes I knew. She looked at me with teary eyes and smiled with what looked like relief.

“Don’t worry Mia. I won’t let anything happen to you, ” she said, mimicking the words I had said to her. “Ever again.”

She pressed the sword harder, caressing my hair lovingly with her other hand.

All my life I thought it was me people didn’t notice; me, people didn’t spare a second glance at; me, people never tried to understand but when I looked at my mother’s arms with burns and red belt marks and hands with dried blood stains that didn’t look too early and my fresh blood that was about to stain her hands, I realised it wasn’t me. 

Maybe this is what death felt like, you realised things that you hadn’t before. I realised that my father was the one trying to protect me and now we were both taking our last breaths.

Maybe all my purpose in life, maybe all I should have done in life was to never wake up from some dreams.

I stared at my mother’s smile before darkness claimed me and my father’s lifeless corpse on the tranquil shore for good.

THE END.

By: Debdatta Chatterjee

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